( problem 1 )

who am i?

feel lost and lonely and in need of a hug quite desperately.

So lat weekend was V festival in Chelmsford, I was really nervous about going as I was going with some people I know from work but haven't really spent huge amounts of time with. Robin picked me up at lunch time on the Friday, me him and Steve were going down in his car as the advanced party to set up the tents and things as the other three couldn't get the day off work and wouldn't have been able to go before at least half four. So we set off down, Robin's driving is a little scary at times, he has a very powerful car and drives very fast but he's in control (one of the bonuses of racing cars and working with powerful cars) We saw 13 crashed cars on the way, as soon as the rain started people couldn't keep control, never mind.

The tents got set up really quickly, although we had to redo one cos it went a bit wrong, it was very lopsided. Then we went to the bar in the camp site and had some beer and waited for the others to arrive.

Day one of V; I saw The Dead 60's (who were very good), then wandered down to watch Kula Shaker and Orson, both of whom I enjoyed immensely, I started to watch The Cardigans but the sound on the Channel 4 stage was shocking so I gave up and wandered back to see Block Party, Keane and Beck. Finally for the headline act I couldn't decide who I wanted to see so I wandered between stages for a while and saw a little bit of Radiohead, Kasabian, Fat Boy Slim and Sandi Thom before settling in the Cider House to watch Yousef. Not usually into dance music but it was a very enjoyable end to the night, even if I was alone.

Day two of V; We had stayed up drinking last night so we didn't get going very quickly and had packed up a load of stuff as Clara Anna and I were going home tonight, by the time we got into the arena we had missed gavin de graw who I really wanted to see but we heard him from outside. We came in from a different entrance and I followed the boys to see Mute Math who were playing in a tent just as we came in, there wasn't really anything I wanted to see at that point and the other girls went to go watch Kubb who I wasn't really wanting to see. As we wandered back to the main stage to watch the Dandy Warhols we stumbled across a band playing in the Union Tent who were awesome. Butch Walker and the lets go out tonites, I don't remember any of their songs but they were amazing to watch and really got the crowd going, they also did a rather spectacular cover of Gnarls Barclay. The Dandy Warhols were fairly ok, wandered off to try and see the Loose Cannons but to no avail as the tent was rammed so settled on The Feeling, who were actually quite good. Next came Gomez and The Beautiful South, both of whom were very very good. Anna Robin and I headed back to the Channel Four stage to see the Charlatons and Razorlight Robin and I weren't talking, can't remember why exactly but that caused some amusement amongst the others as noone knew what had happened and we had only been together for the 45 minutes before. I'm sure it was silly really. The Razorlights were fantastic, I hope I get to see them again in concert fairly soon.

The it was home time and we waved goodbye to the others and headed home. Not sure if I was awake at all the next day, but 3 days later we were back in the saddle as it were to do Leeds festival.....

I'm having a bad life at the moment, my car died yesterday, in Kettering while I was on the way back from my mum's to Oxford. 4 hours later a tow truck arrived to take it away and now I have to wait to see how much it is going to cost me to get fixed.

I'm grumpy.

In slightly better news I did have a wonderful conversation with a nice young man last night, even if I did mortally offend him when I didn't ask for his help when my car broke down. I mean, how am I meant to know if he has expert knowledge of cars?

*sigh*

it's all going slightly wrong. I even admitted and talked about some of the stuff with a friend the other day, a major step for me, but in true depressive style I can't actually put my finger on what exactly is going on. I haven't been eating properly I don't know for how long, and possibly as a result of that haven't been sleeping well either. I'm tired to the point of complete exhaustion, and being at work I've been concentrating all my energy on getting through the day.

Last night I was out with a friend from work at an event at the su where I work, everything was going fine for the most part, I had some drinks but I wasn't particularly drunk, I was tired though, about quarter to 11 though I suddenly didn't feel well, very hot and tired and shakey so I told my friend that I was going to get some water and barely made it to the bar leaning on it. The next thing I know I opened my eyes to have some random staring at me and to find myself on the floor, Jules one of the barstaff asked me what I needed and when I said air he took me through the bar to the managers office (small perk of working there is you can go to the managers office when things go wrong) I presume they put me on a chair I vaguely remember it, then again the next thing I know my head is smacking against a concrete floor and Chris the bar manager is staring at me crouched down next to me and I'm lying on the floor again. The look on Chris' face was enough to embarrass the hell out of me, I've never seen him look so shocked. I aparently fell off the chair. My flat mate was there so I asked him to come with me when I went home and he did, although probably grudgingly as I think he was there with the bird he fancies, but never mind.

I got home exhausted as per usual and drank some more water and went to bed, only to wake up 4 hours later and not be able to get back to sleep. I also had a very sor hip knee and shoulder where I had apparently managed to hit them as I fell down.

So far today I haven't managed to stand up for longer than an hour before needing to sit down because I was getting faint. Earlier in the garden I had to grab the wall because I nearly went down.

Whats going on with me? I hate this.

I don't know whats worse having to go into work and try and work tomorrow, or go and face all the people who saw me pass out on Friday night and explain what the hell happened to me.

I hate my life.

Last night is extremely hazie. There was beer and margharita's, tequila, poker, vomit, passing out.

This morning there was queasiness, water, tea, and a fry up when we all felt better.

Note to self: Beware of tequila and Pete. (and thats only beware when he's instigating you to drink, lovely guy but evil when it comes to alcohol or cards)

This afternoon, I think I'll need to sleep. I'm tired and I need to be alive for Dr Who tonight.

And in other news. I look like shiite!

I'm having a fit of paranoia and stupidity. I was in the bar after work and asked a few people if they were staying over the Easter weekend. most said no and I commented that I would be incredibly bored as no-one was around. One of the guys I work with said that I should come over to his on Friday as someone else was coming and they would be having drinks and food and stuff. He said I could stay over so I could drink and not drive. Now I'm paranoid that he only asked because he felt he had to. So I was just going to tell someone that I felt that way and felt like I couldn't in case I was bugging him and imagined him sitting at home moaning that I had texted him.


:o(

So there's a boy, and he;s very very yummy, completely different from any guy I've ever thought yummy before. But why, oh why, do I have to think he's yummy? Why why why?

Grrrrrrrr.

Despite the fact that I drive past at least 3 supermarkets on the way home, I'm far too lazy to stop at any of them and so I'm eating Blackpool rock and baked potatoes for dinner tonight.

I need to get more energy.

So I went into work on Saturday evening, it was the student staff party so I was helping out. Basically every semester we hold a party for all the students who work for the Students' Union in anyway, they all get the night off and we provide them with food and music, and the permenant staff work behind the bar. I arived about 20 minutes before it started, the bar manager was already there, then the two volunteers for the bar shift turned up and we went to get a drink, (thankfully we are allowed to drink while we work otherwise it would be a disaster) we tried to ring it through the till, and found that for some reason the tills had switched to Public ents prices, which are about twice as expensive as normal prices. Firstly this is majorly bizaare because we *never* have public ents in the bar, and secondly because noone had done it and they were fine on Friday night. So we call the person who deals with the tills only she's in some remote cottage in the middle of nowhere on a hen weekend, so we call the tillman but we can't get hold of him, so out come the calculators and the pens and paper. At this point there were many collective sighs, tills are not good and we usually screw them up majorly. But doing things with claculators and paper is not fun!

By this point the first students are arriving, the till man finally calls and sorts the tills out, but it's 8pm and time for Hel and I to do our shifts on the bar. Within the first 20 minutes I had managed to pull the paper out of the PDQ machine and knock the nozzle off the stella tap into the pint I was pouring, neither was my fault, but you know. I also corked a wine bottle, poured the biggest headed beer in the world, and called one of my first customers an arsehole (we're friends and it was in jest!) So funny. By the end of the night I was fine behind the bar, and with the till and did clear down. In fact considering some of the people hadn't been behind a bar before ever and some like me only do it once a year, we were only £6 out on the till and that was up!

So after we finished the shift I dragged Jon the President off for a game of I have never I had challenged him to it the night before, but we got interupted by some bird who was to bed him, bless her, and then the end of the party, we kicked everyone out, cleared down and stood around finishing off the pizza we had brought for the students. Then Jon got a call to say one of the students had passed out at a club in town and could we go help. So we went down and called her mum to let her know what was going on, then waited for a girl who had locked herself out show up and give her the key to the house of the guy who had gone to hospital with the girl who had passed out.

Following this still?

We dropped her off at the house, and carried on to Jon's house, Jon needed to get a coat because we were going to Hels and his got taken by someone in Harts who thought it was someone elses. So we got to his house and he tried to call one of his housemates because his light was on, but it turned out he was at his girlfriends house apparently having sex, lovely. So he tried to call his other housemate, but his phone was on silent. Then while we were calling him a car comes up the road without his lights on and tries to reverse park, the space was huge but he managed to hit the car in front of them, he then proceeded to drive away. He went about 100 meters up the road still with his lights off. He suddenly started reversing, with us watching still. Hits three more cars and finally pulls into the space going forward, (thats how big the space was) He turns the engine off and we all stand watching wondering what the hell to do, when suddenly a cop car comes tearing down the road pulls in and the police jump out and drag the driver out to arrest him.

Was most bizaare, though in the process of crashing the car into 4 cars, he managed to wake up the housemate who we had been trying to wake up to let us in. After telling the police what happened, and them taking our details we wandered off towards Hel's house, arrived at about 4am.

Hel then prceeded to give us more alcohol, which we really didn't need at all, get us more drunk, Jon then fell asleep in the chair, so we sent him home. I then in my drunked state sent him a message which was very rude and being drunk at the time am now quite embarrassed about. Thankfully he's either not remembered what it said or is ignoring the fact that I sent it. Whoops!

So I finally got home at about 2pm on Sunday and slept for the rest of the day. I was *so* tired. Got to work this morning, to find out we had a break in. Well not exactly a break in, but a load of stuff has been taken from the offices at some point over the end of last week and the weekend. A laptop, some ipod accessories, and other stuff. So we reported that to the police and stuff, then Hel came and said that she found that someone had tried to break into her house at the end of last week, they had tried to use a spade to force her door open, failed, so she's got the police coming round too. Such drama.

Rah!

There's more stuff to write, but I'm tired and hungry now so it will have to wait. but yeah, bloody wierd weekend in all.

I had the following conversation with two people I work with on Monday morning.....

K: Did you get home ok last night then? traffic wasn't too bad?
Me: no no, it was fine, I managed to beat my sister back to oxford and she was only going to London, *pauses* though my bunny died on the way home
K and C: aaahhhhhhh
C: thats sad
K: had you had it long? was it old?
Me: no no I had only just got it, it wasn't old at all
K: was it sick then?
Me: no no, it was fine until I thumped it in the head
K and C look horrified
Me: yeah, the first time I hit it, nothing happened at all, I had to put all my weight on it to crush it's head, when you're stuck in traffic it's not the easiest thing to do either!
K: huh?!
C: Thats awful
Me looks confused
K and C shake heads
Me: um, I did mention it was made of chocolate didn't I???

So there's a strike today, and I'm not in the union thats striking. I understand the reasons they are striking, but I don't agree with it, I don't agree with striking in general, but I don't agree with the idea that you should strike when you work in services, I know I don't do *that* much but I don't think I would feel right to not work when the people who use the failities here are not involved.

So here I am sat at work, there are 7 people at most here, in a building which normally has about 40 people working in it. We're all bored and noone feels like working at all. The worst thing about this is, of the three offices that are open, they are at opposite ends of the building, so it's not like we can chat to each other or anything, there are two in my office, two in the finance office and three in the marketing office. It's worse than Christmas, at least at Christmas there really was *noone* here and not likely to be anyone here, so we just sat in the societies office and played Poker and other games, today none of the sabbs are in they are all on conference so we're trying to amuse ourselves. Greatly helped by the misdelivery of a bag of magazines for the shop, they should have gone to a different campus so we're reading our way through them, we have More, Heat, New! and the radio times. Not the best collection but it's occupying us, and I'm about to start the sudoku in OBScene the student news paper. I know I should be working, but I'm not in the mood.

I've done the *one* thing my boss really wanted done, and am most of the way through my list of things to be done for tomorrow's meeting with him. I'll get some more of them done this afternoon, I need to pace myself or I'll be really bored later, and this afternoon's receptionist is uaully quite fun to work with.

I wonder if there is going to be any tickets sold at all today, because if not, I won't need to cash up tonight.

Oh and I managed not to cross an official picket line by coming into the campus by a back way.

Boredboredboredboredbored.

Someone entertain me!

So I had to suspend someone from their job the other day, it's the first time I've had to do anything like this and is a bit unnerving. The suspension is pending investigation, and from the complaints I've had about various things it is warranted.

The problem is, the person is causing an uproar, he has apparently sent out an email to all the other people he works/volunteers with telling them to support him and boycot us, I'm presuming because he think that if everyone boycot's he will get reinstated, which he won't, and he seems to take it that we have a vendetta against him. I don't have a problem with him personally, ok I have issues with him, but nothing major, and nothing to the extent that I would do this to him just because. The complaints that came in are really serious, endangering lives and harrassment issues.

Some people are listening to him and have cancelled their shifts, others are fine, others are not interested in whats going on, they are there doing a job and are acting normally.

I feel awful. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think. I'm doing my job, we warned them what would happen if they didn't stick to the rules, I think it warrants action so I'm taking it, but jees I'm being dragged through the mud.

I know I have to deal if I'm going to manage people, but it's my first one and I'm upset by the whole thing.

meh!

Physical pain is easier to deal with than emotional pain. I get that now. I need to get beyond facts and logic and enter the world of hearts and feelings. I think I finally figured that out. Not the biggest news in the world, but it's the biggest step I've taken since I don't know when. And where did I learn that? Um, embarrassingly enough, from scooby doo. Sad! I know, who said movies never teach us anything.

I need to deal with this shit and move on, and I guess just trying to forget it and move on is not going to work. So I guess dealing with the issues is going to have to start. I think I'm finally ready to talk to my dad, ok so not talk exactly, but write. I don't know what I'm going to say, but being ready to try is a good start I guess. Maybe one day I'll be ready to face the other hurdles in my life too, and maybe then I'll be able to move on properly, be normal, or at least be me, the person I want to be, the one I think I am but aren't quite ready to show the world yet.

Emotional pain here we come. Wish me luck!

I went shopping today. I got a little lost on the way to Milton Keynes, but I got there in the end, and found the shops and everything :) clever me!

I brought stuff too, some tops and trousers and pants and a jacket. I'm so proud of myself, and not a pair of jeans trainers or tee-shirt in sight! I actually brought proper clothes, clothes that will make me look nice at work. I'm so happy.

I feel I'm actually turning into a girl, it's been a while coming. I'm so pleased with myself for managing to go on my own and buy things.

I'm currently dying my hair.

Oh lordy I am turning into a girl.

Shopping is usually depressing, I usually find I can't find clothes to fit and end up coming away with nothing and a bad mood. I tried on some trousers which I picked up which were just right and was beginning to get in a bad mood because I thought I had put weight on again, but it turns out they were actually a size smaller than the hanger said! I ended up feeling a lot happier than I thought I would.

I might even say I was in a good mood!

yay me!

P.S This will be short lived, but it's a nice feeling while it lasts. Tomorrow my flat mate has the day off work so I'll have him here all day. Good thing I have movies and Buffy and Angel to watch!

I feel like I'm just waiting for it all to come back. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge and I'm toppling over the edge, and unless there's a big gust of wind blowing in the opposite direction. I'm going to be at the bottom of the cliff again. and again. and again. and again. I feel like I can never win. Everytime I think I'm getting over everything, moving on, nothing happens and I seem to end up back at the beginning. When can I win? When do I ever get the chance to get one little step further up the ladder, back to the real world? When do I get to take a breather and live for a change instead of having to fight so hard every damn day to keep myself going on the right track and not let myself sink back to where I'm trying to leave? I'm tired and unhappy and just want a break.

Wow, it's such a nice day here, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, it's a little windy but it's lovely, not cold.

That means just one thing......summer is on the way. Yippee!

I *love* summer, except the short sleeve thing.

Yay Summer!

Why are emotions so difficult to deal with? I'm sure this thought has come up before, but I really don't understand them. How do you deal with them? And I don't just mean hard emotions like pain and anger, I mean good ones too, like love and happiness. How do you tell which one your feeling? Theres just a mess inside me and I don't know what kind of emotion I'm meant to be feeling, am I angry or sad, or happy? How do I tell and how do I show it? I mean, I feel so empty and emotionless, I feel like it doesn't matter if I go up or down, it all just feels the same, just stuff. It all just feels like stuff. I feel like I can never make a connection because I never know how to connect. How do you make a connection with someone, how do you trust someone? I feel like I want to open up with people but I don't know how to know if they want to help or whether they are just trying to be nice. How do I know if they are going to turn against me or if they are really friends with me. I know emotions are different from feeling, but I don't know how they are different, I don't understand the difference. I know in some situations I should be happy or sad, or angry or scared, but I don't seem to be able to let my body feel them, or show them. It all just seems to be a big mess. Bad metaphor, but instead of having a plate of dinner and being able to pick a bit of each to eat at any point in time, I just have this kind of blended up mush that I have to drink through a straw and it tastes like dinner but I can't pick out whats what. I don't know if that makes sense at all. I just don't know what to do to help this, I don't know how to get past this, and I feel like I've been here for so long and I keep going round in circles. I just end up here, wondering if I'm ever going to be able to get past this, and what its going to take to sort it out. I think how kids learn emotions, I mean, when you have babies, they cry, whether they are hungry or upset or hurting, then they learn happiness, they learn to smile and laugh and they learn to be hurt and upset, they learn jealousy, they learn anger and embarrassment, but how? It's all natural, it's all just learnt, there's nothing that happens to suddenly give them the ability to cope and deal with these emotions and theres nothing that suddenly makes then be able to feel things. They don't go to classes to learn this stuff. I know that when I was younger I could do this, I know I used to be happy or sad or embarrased or Jealous, so what happened to make it all go wrong? Why is it that now I can't do any of this? What's blocking my ability to do any of this? And how do I find out and get past it? How do I learn to feel emotions again? I feel like I've been wired up wrong and then lost the instruction manual on how to wire it up correctly. I guess I feel like there's a barrier between me and the rest of the world sometimes and I don't know how to get past it, except that maybe if I fixed this problem I would be able to fit in properly and be normal again. Not that I want to blend in to the background, I just want to be able to fit in the mix. Feel like I'm part of the chain rather than there spare part in the background. I'm sick of watching people have comples relationships and not be able to have them myself. I want to have friends and interact with them, be able to share whats going on and not be afraid all the time that I'm taking up too much time or that they aren't interested, or that they are just listening so that they can go and talk about me behind my back. Why do I feel like this? Why do I have to be in this place. Maybe I spend too much time worrying about how I come across to people and what people think of me and not enough time thinking about how I come across to myself and what I think of myself. I stopped caring about myself a long time ago I think, I care too much about other people, they always come first no matter what. Maybe I need to reconnect with myself, but I don't know how to do that. How do I reconnect with myself?

That turned into a bit of a ranty type thing. Sorry, feel free to ignore me.

So I'm on a buffy-fest *again*. I think I watch it far too much. But it's still good. I've just noticed though that the stunt double for Angel in the fight scene at the end of season 2 in Becoming Part 2 is crap. Talk about balding 40 year old. You can actually see how bad his hair line is on some of the scenes and it's totally obvious in the way he moves and it's just crap.

Bless the show though, it was a little ropey in it's early days. Was still great though.

Now on to season 3. I don't have to be back at work until a week on Monday, so I have enough time to watch the whole of Buffy and possibly some of the season of ER I just brought and also maybe a movie or two. I must get out of the habit of fast forwarding through the bits I don't want to watch this time round (it changes every time I watch it).

I'm so sad.

I've started running away from people again, and sadly the person who noticed first was a guy at work, who now won't leave me alone because he's "worried about me" bugger and damnation. I don't know what to do about it. Never mind.

In better news, I finally got confirmed in post at work. Doesn't make anything better though. I'm tired and sad and have no reason to be.

Rah!

For the first time in months and months I really feel urgy and need to cut. It's a combination of things and it's pissing me off that I feel like this, which is probably just making it worse.
Grrrrrrrrrr.

and also not pissed off.

Things are a little highly strung at work right now. We've got elections coming up in a week or so and some of the current officers are running meaning that two have been left doing all the paperwork and decision making to do with the coming elections. They are a little stressed, one is handling it fine, the other is just rubbing everyone up the wrong way. Including me. Normally I take it in my stride. I don't mind, I know they are stressed over worked under paid and generally not at all trained for the jobs they do. They wind me up I moan I let it go, they are only there a year, how much winding up can they do in a year?

Today this one person went to far. I made an informed decision, with the help of two people at work, one officer and one staff member, she didn't like the decision that was made, so decided that it wasn't then my decision to make and took it to exec, the weekly meeting for all the officers. Then after that had been done and nothing came from it it went to an elections meeting. Haven't heard anything back from that, the last thing she said to me was "well, are you ok with this I know you staff it and all?" wtf should I say to that? No I'm not alright but what chouse to I have?

bloody students.

Other than that, work seems to be going ok. Either I'm doing much better, or my boss is realising what I'm dealing with having been away for a week, or else his management course is teaching him some things about managing people. I don't think I take a different type of management, but I'm still very new compared to the rest of the people he's managed, which have been there for about 5 years, and it's probably harder to manage someone whose just come from a different manager compared to managing someone you've managed for 5 years.

I don't know. screwy day.

I don't know what to say. There's so many things running through my head right now and I can't get them straight to put them down. My granddads sort of getting better, but at the same time he's never going to get better. He's been diagnosed with liver disease, which means that he will die and it will be a matter of a fwe years rather than longer. I know he's old, but I don't know if I can cope with that thought. It suddenly hit me tonight that he will probably not live to see me reach 30, he won't live to see me get married or have children. He will probably not live to see me meet and fall in love with the person I marry. It hurts. It's a silly girlie thought, but he was the person I wanted to give me away when I got married and now he won't be there. You have no idea how much that thought hurts. He's been the person who has always fought for me. The person who has always looked out for me and taken care of me. The person who has given me strength and believed in me, and I feel like it's being ripped away from me before I had time to really appreciate it.

It's been an odd week, whilst being in such despair over what has been happening to the person who has the biggest place in my heart, I've been able to open it up to other people to trust other people to talk for the first time about how this is making me feel. I've never done this before, never once in all my life have I been able to reach out and tell someone I'm hurting and need help. But that makes me feel some what stranded somewhere between a big part of my heart slowly dying and another part blossoming. How do I cope with that? How do I cope with all the things that are going on in my heart and my head. I feel lost and confused and upset and yet happy and proud and strong at the same time.

But I don't want to be so proud of myself when I can't show my granddad what I can become. I want him to be proud of me and all I've done over the last few years is be a right pain in the arse and cause problems and hurt my family, not because I willing did it, but because I didn't know what else to do. I feel lost, I want to have my family with me but I don't want to tell them. I'm not ready to tell them. I don't know what to do.

someone make this all go away, someone make this all better, someone please don't let my granddad die. please. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I can't say goodbye.

I've been away for a few days with work on a management training course they've put all the middle management on, but now I'm really tired. Only myself to blame. I was to busy to sleep much last night.

um, in short....fit guy+10 months of outrageous flirting and suggestiveness and sexual tensions=one night of hot lust driven sex just down the corridor from 10 other managers at the union.....and none of them have a clue :p

yay me! finally some action.

*bes quiet now*

I'll explain more at a time when my head is having less sleep deprived x-rated flash backs and is making more sense!

So I had a meeting scheduled for this morning with the OH person at the university. The only dealings I have with her are through first aid and stuff which I am in charge of for the union. So I went to the meeting thinking it was a chance to meet her as she's new and I have to deal with her. When I get there though I find out that its an OH review because my "manager" has asked for them to speak to me.
WTF?
She asked what I had been told by my manager about the meeting, which was nothing. Then we started the review. It went ok, she was happy with what I was doing and how I felt and stuff. I'm confused though. As far as I know what I submitted to OH last year was completely confidential and nothing else needed to be done. I told them I wasn't comfortable with everyone knowing what was going on and that it didn't impact on my work. She agreed that it didn't impact on my work and has agreed to review me again in a month to check I'm still ok.
If she is talking about my line manager why didn't he say anything to me previously? Why didn't he say anything about the fact that he had asked them to talk to me?

I don't understand what is going on and I'm really irate about it.

The problem I have now is that should I go and talk to my boss about the fact that I was seen by OH on a managers request and why? and if they then find out no-one did refer me and they look into it they find out I'm schizo/depressed what do they do? I'm stuck with not saying anything, but it's not fair.
I'm angry and upset. I really am.

( Christmas: )

will update new year and stuff when I can write it up. My Granddad died at Christmas too, so I'll have to do that some time. Sorry it's so bloody long.

I don't remember what happened, and I'm still to pissed to really be in work. Jon and I got up this morning feeling rough as hell and not wanting to go to work. Several other very drunk people staggered into work with us. There were in fact more people in before 9 this morning after a huge night out than there are normally.

How funny.

drunked.

meh.

We've had our Fire Inspection Officer in this morning, so we just had a practice fire drill. The first since I've been here. Luckily I did know what I had to do, so I pulled down the shutter, got my receptionist out, saw FG the first in a very bright yellow shirt. We all evacuated to our fire point, located out the back of the building behind the bar, stood there for some time with all the other staff from the SU, including the bar supervisor, the bar staff, all the permenant staff and a handful of student staff. Had a fag, forgot my coat so it was the only way to keep warm.

After about 5 minutes, we could see people going into the bar and wandering around, since the inspection officer was there and the fire marshalls were about we put it down to them, and we stayed out side. Then we saw two more people wander in and start playing pool. By this point we were wondering what was going on.

Turns out they forgot to let the "whole" of the su staff know that we could go back in. So all the staff were outside, and all the students were back in and wandering around.

Bloody Cheek!

happyhappyhappy